I want to have access to just £2000 to tidy up my house so I can sell it. I’d like it up front rather than dip into my savings or pay using my credit card.
So off to the bank I trot …
I say to the nice Banking Person who has previously sold me insurance, PEPs, etceteras, “Bank Loan please as I WILL sell the house as it has a lot going for it and I have spent thousands on doing it up. I just need a loan for the time it takes me to sell. I know I have AAA rating as you keep sending me stuff in the post inviting me to apply for a loan … how about just a couple of thousand quid?”
“Sorry”, says the nice Banking Person very, very nicely, “if you need to borrow you must be financially under stress and we currently don’t lend to people who are financially under stress!”
“Harrumph!” Says I. “Why the hell would I want to borrow if (a) I didn’t need the money and (b) didn’t have equity in my house in which THEY know I have lived for 21 years and so have a LOT of equity, (c) I have income and (d) I always do and always have repaid my debts”
You owe me you bastards. I own a share of the government’s 80% equity in the sodding Banks and I want my share back. I think it works out to be … in fact I am sure it works out to be … just about if not actually … £2000. The actual sum I wanted to borrow.